DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
Gammon Records (2003)
Album (CD)
1. Want In?
3. Let’s Not
4. Ratso Rizzo
7. So Funny
8. Know-It-All
11. Yesterday’s Muse
All
songs written by Jesse Hartman, published by © 1997-2003 Exurbia Music, Inc.
(BMI)
WANT IN?
You want in?
You want in?
Listen, Kid…
You’re sick and tired of not being “happening”
You’re sick of tired of trying to fit in
So you bought a new car
Whitened your teeth
Cut out your carbs
But still looking weak
You’re sick of feeling like life’s a no win
Well, step back, step back, step back, you’re…
Not in, not in the door so…
Step back, step back…it probably do you some good
Yeah, relax, relax, relax, you
Don’t even like what they’re for
Step back and ask why the hell that you do
Want in?
Want in?
Want in the door
Want in?
Kid, are you sure?
Once you’re in
It ain’t much at all
Not that I know so much what it is like to be in
I’ve spent my life with a pick in the lock
But if you can’t do
Might as well teach
And if you can’t teach
Might as well teach gym
Yeah, if Woody’s right
I can teach you some things
Step back, step back, step back, you’re…
Not in, not in the door so…
Step back, don’t act…just learn to breathe in
Yeah, Relax, relax, relax, just
Repeat, repeat the mantra
Just chant, you shan’t remember why that you did…
Want in?
Want in?
Want in the door
Get in
Kid, are you sure?
Once you’re in
It ain’t much at all
Once you’re in
Step back, step back, step back
You want in?
Relax, relax, relax…
BACK IN THE PICTURE
I’m coming
You’re coming
We’re coming
It’s something
I want to be with you all night long
I never thought that I’d say that again
I want to be with you all night long,
Tomorrow is a very different thing
But is it?
It isn’t
I’m coming
Looks like you’re back in the picture
You’re coming
Looks you’re back in the now
We’re coming
My difficult little shiksa
It’s something
That we are back going out
Back in the picture
Back in the mixture
Back playing Twister
With a bunch of quipsters
Drinks with your sister
Vacuous hipsters
Need an elixir
Get out of my picture!
I didn’t want to spend the night alone
Is that a reason to back in hell?
Yeah, you and me know we don’t belong
Yeah, you and me know that this is wrong…
Not a pretty picture
An out of focus picture
Not a pretty picture
All cause of a quick fixer?
All cause of…
I’m coming
You’re coming
We’re coming…
It’s something
I want to be with you all night long
I never thought that I’d say that again
I want to be with you all night long
Tomorrow is a very different thing…
Back in the picture
LET’S NOT
You want to know if I want to go
To another one of Jackie’s parties
To hang around with a bunch of clowns
Gazing at their shoes and acting arty
Let's not and say we did…
I cannot, I can’t deal with it
I cannot deal with it
I can practically hear them
You want to know if I want to go
I hear them shooting the shit
Promote myself, to show and tell
I can picture them sneering at
Back stabbing, how gouache
Each other’s weak attempts at wit
I don’t think so
I know, I know
Let's not and say we did…
I cannot, I can’t deal with it
Cannot deal with that thing
Let’s just hide out and be boring
Let’s just hide from everything
I’m in no mood to go whoring
To keep grabbing the brass ring
Can’t possibly…
You think I would meet someone who could
Help me get my somewhat leftfield art out
Get on the scene, you never know where things lead
You gotta go to Jackie’s weekly party, man
Let's not and say we did…
Let’s not, I can’t deal with it
I cannot deal with that thing
RATSO RIZZO
I haven’t see you around since I was a youth
Yeah, they’ve really cleaned up this town
They cracked down on you
But lately I see changes
I see some beautiful changes
You’re back, Ratso Rizzo
You’re back, Ratso Rizzo
I’m glad, Ratso Rizzo
You’re back in town
Yeah, every hang-out I had had become a boutique
And every local bar turned to one with a theme
But thanks to a deep recession
There’s no more gentrification
You’re back, Ratso Rizo
You’re back, Ratso Rizo
I’m glad, Ratso Rizo
You’re back in town
You’re back in town
Hangin’ around
You are my pal
Lately I see changes
I see some beautiful changes
Some beaten-up faces
Yeah, you strut around wasted
It makes me elated
You’re back, Ratso Rizzo…
You’re back, Ratso Rizo
I’m glad, Ratso Rizo
You’re back in town
You’re back in town
Hangin’ around
You are my pal
Ratso Rizzo
LET YOURSELF GO
Jesse: Baby, can we talk
Jenny: That’s sounds heavy
Jesse: No, it’s just, well, I just wanted to tell you how I feel about some
stuff.
Your move
I said I love you
Now it’s your turn tell me the truth
Look, I know you want
Your career to take off
Yeah, the last you need is some dude
But I know from experience
That this feeling is unusual
Yeah, time just isn’t limitless
There are moments when you just have to
Let yourself go
Come on baby
It’s three lousy words
Would it kill you to say how you feel?
Look, this ain’t your job
You can show a little heart
You are not in some part in a film
Look, I know from experience
That these feelings just don’t come and go
Look, life isn’t all show business
There are moments when you just to
Let yourself go
Let yourself go
Let our thing grow
Jenny: Listen, Jess. It’s not the career stuff. It’s you. This just isn’t
working for me. Maybe we should just be friends.
Your move
Jenny: Weren’t you just listening to me?
Now it’s your turn to say how you feel
Jenny: Jesus. Come on, Jess…
Look I know you want
Your career to take off
Jenny: You’re really not taking this in.
But I know from experience
That this feeling is unusual
Yeah, time just isn’t limitless
There are moments when you just have to
Let yourself go
Let yourself go
I know you want to
Let yourself go
You know you want to
Let yourself go
I know I want to
Let yourself go
You know you want to
TESTIMONIAL #6
I saw your ad on the TV
I was at first skeptical
But you promised that you could change me
So I called you up, thought what the hell
How did I ever live without you?
How did I ever live before?
How did I ever live without you?
I can’t imagine it at all
How did I ever live before?
Since I got your panacea
I don’t have no more problems
I mean, not that I don’t have none
I just don’t seem to care much
I’m just gliding along
Yeah, my ambitions are gone
I’m happy with my lot
Since I’ve been using your product
How did I ever live without you?
How did I ever live before?
How did I ever live without you?
I can’t imagine it at all
How did I ever live before?
But lately I’ve been feeling
A touch like I used to before
The frightening real me
I need to take some more
I need order more of your thing
Because I’ll never live without you
How could I ever live without you?
How did I ever live before?
How did I ever live without you?
I can’t imagine it at all
How did I ever live before?
SO FUNNY
Caught, it seems
In a cycle that I’ve seen
One million trillion times before
Yeah, bought, then released
>From “You will be the next big thing”
To Ma insisting I should study law
You think it’s funny?
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot I used to laugh some
It’s irony
‘Cause making jokes is my main thing
I’m not supposed to write this song
But lately I’m feeling just like others have been feeling
Thick skins can only hold so long
You think it’s funny
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot I used to laugh some
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot how to “Ha ha”
I need to get my sense of humor back
I need to make some people laugh
I don’t like making people cry
Or think that my whole life
Ain’t turning out so right
You think it’s funny?
So funny…
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot to laugh
So funny I forgot how to “Ha ha”
KNOW-IT-ALL
Listen up to your mother, brother, sister
Listen up to your father
Listen up to the Lord
They apparently know
every single answer,
every fact and figure
in the whole damn world
But there’s something
different today
There’s something
you just want to say
Hey, don’t look down on me
I’m not a big baby
I’m not your mirror anymore
Hey, don’t look down on me
with your philosophies
Hey, save your dogma
I’ve had enough
Do you know it all? Don’t you…
Is your life only what you read today
in The New York Times?
Is what you read in your
magazines?
Is what you read in your books?
Whatever happened to good
old-fashioned experience?
Whatever happened to living?
Whatever happened to you?
That you need to condescend
No longer my good friend
Hey, don’t look down on me
I’m not a big baby
I’m not your mirror anymore
Hey, don’t look down on me
with your philosophies
Hey, save your dogma
I’ve had enough
Do you know it all?
No, you don’t…
DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME
I see you
Cut it out
Little man, mouthing the words to this song
Can’t understand…
How could you?
…the extent of the hurt they come from
I know that you feel free when you strum along
But I know how wrong your dreams can go
Don’t try this at home
Don’t try this when you’re alone
Don’t try this at home
You’re gonna hurt yourself
Yeah, I know
‘Cause I was exactly the same kid as you
Making my moves in a mirror
I wanted to be just like Lou
A Rock ‘n’ Roll animal
An irreverent funky-ass Jew
But what I did not account for
Was this cultural vacuum
Don’t try this at home
Don’t try this when you’re alone
Don’t try this at home
You’re gonna hurt yourself
Yeah, I know
Believe me, baby
Beware of the dogs
Beware, Be scared of the dogs
Listen to ‘em…
Down, Boy!
Sit…
Do not try this at home
You’re gonna hurt yourself
Yeah, I know
I’m serious
SURPRISE! SURPRISE!
So this is love
This is what people
Been speaking of
This is what people
Say is why…
It is worth living our lives
Yeah, this is what…
Supposed to keep me satisfied
This is the prize
This is the prize
This is the prize
Surprise, surprise
Hey, please excuse me
What?
This is confusing
Why?
Can’t be the thing
And then you die
It is
Yeah, sure it’s soothing
Yeah
Like Captain Stubbing
Huh?
Like “Love Boat” on a weekend night
You watch that?
This can’t be why
It is worth living our lives
Yeah, this is what
Should make me feel so satisfied
This is the prize
This is the prize
This is the prize
Surprise, surprise
But every morning when I wake up next to you
I don’t feel as nauseous as I remember that I used to
I feel more relaxed now
I feel like I’m atop a cloud
I’m kind of wowed
Surprise, surprise
It’s kind of nice
Surprise, surprise
Ooh, wow
Surprise, surprise
Ooh, wow
It’s pretty nice!
So this is love, this is what people been speaking of
YESTERDAY’S MUSE
Remember…
Remember how you cried
Tears for a half-written tune
Emotion you can’t buy
That’s reason enough for loving you
At the time
Yeah, I needed smiles, needed kind loving words from you
I needed miles and miles of cushioning
Yeah, I’d have lost my mind at the time if I’s without you
But that is over now…
Your yesterday’s muse
Remember how you’d write
A missing word that rhymes with ‘blues’
Craft an absurd fight
Material that I could use
Over and over…
I needed rhymes, storylines, good advice from you
I needed miles and miles of assisting
But that was that time, now I’m fine, still I do miss you
Light a candle ma
For yesterday’s muse
Sadly replaceable
But unforgettable
So light a white candle
Oh, baby…
For yesterdays muse
It’s the least I can do
For yesterday’s muse
V’yitkadahl v’hitkaddash sh’may rabah
Remember how you cried
Tears for a half-written tune
Emotion you can’t buy
That’s reason enough for loving you
Remember how you’d write
A missing word that rhymes with ‘blues’
Craft an absurd fight
Material that I could use
Over and over…
WHAT MAKES JENNY RUN?
What makes Jenny run?
What makes her have to be so cruel?
What makes Jenny run?
What made her trample over you?
What makes people need to have to become famous?
What makes people have to act so fucking shameless?
What makes Jenny run?
What makes Jenny run?
What makes Jenny run?
Giddy-up
Is she insecure or revengeful?
What makes her chase the rabbit?
Access Hollywood for their approval
And still say she’s independent
What makes people end acting so deceitful?
What makes people wind up becoming so evil?
What makes Jenny run?
What makes Jenny run?
What makes Jenny run?
Here we have one of those dog race announcers
Doin’ that thing they do
Here comes dog number, up by a nose, headed for finish the line
You know all that jazz, right?
Round and round and round she goes
Where she stops, no one knows
Round and round and round she goes
Where she stops, no one knows
Round and round and round she knows
How to cut down her foes
No one knows, especially me
What makes Jenny run?
I wanna know what
What makes Jenny run?
I wanna know what
What makes Jenny run?
I wanna know what
What makes Jenny run?
You thought the joke was on me, didn’t you?
OF ALL THE
SITUATIONS
Lately I’ve been thinking about you
Up in a cloud
Been seeing your face
I been hearing your inimitable laugh
Always seeing the humor
Even in tough circumstance
It’s hard
We need you for this one
So hard
Of all the situations
You’d have just the right thing to say
Compare this to some films
That speak about life’s randomness
Jean Luc Goddard meets “Husbands”
Make us feel a little better
About your early departure
You’d put things in perspective
In difficult circumstance
It’s hard
We need you for this one
So hard
Of all the situations
Not to have you around
But maybe I know how now
Just have to think about, the words
That would come out of your mouth
It’s hard
So hard
Of all the situations
Yeah, you’d say, “Yeah, it’s hard”
“But I’ll see you on the other side”
“Oh yeah, It’s hard”
“Just keep me in your mind…”
It’s hard
Of all the situations
Of all the situations…